If one more person in my web of acquaintances and friends gets pregnant accidentally, I'm gonna...
...sit here quietly and take it.
If one more malcontent jerkwad intrudes upon an ostensibly safe place for adoptive parents, I'm gonna...
...sigh and hope they make peace with whatever outsize tropical insects have set up housekeeping in their colons.
The second thing, well, Jebus. I periodically lurk around at a very crunchy, granolafied, sometimes irritatingly sanctimonious bulletin board -- they have an adoption forum, and I like to see how adoptive families have dealt with things like vaccinations and the family bed. Plopped in the middle of a normally ashram-like forum, though, was this five-page battle thread started by someone who barged in to the forum and began railing about how people who want to adopt babies, all presumed to be rich married Americans, should really be adopting teen mothers and teaching them how to parent their babies. A different poster also lectured that since adoptive parents are benefiting from someone else's pain and social ills, they owed society, and ought rightly to spend their time paying that debt. (Edited to add: Upon further reflection, and reading and rereading this second person's series of posts, I see that what she's really talking about is the way that all of us need to be more concered with righting inequities on a global scale. Which is entirely true. She's right, and I was very, very wrong. There is a lot of coercion in adoption as it is practiced today, and it's terribly problematic. Ethics reform v. much needed.) (Edited to add further: Shame on me for this post. Seriously.)
The fucking nerve! I'm still a bit raw after what happened at Maria's blog, and I lurk at the board because it's usually a very safe place for friendly, informative adoption discussion. I've never seen any controversy in that area. But nowhere is safe. No option is acceptable. Fertility drugs are for evil sluts whose plumbing got chewed up by PID (transmitted exclusively through premarital ugly-bumping), for unsubmissive career women who put themselves first for too many years, for sick, sad, selfish women who aren't willing to give a needy orphan a home. But if you do want to adopt, well, you'd better adopt that mythical "teen mother" and teach her how to parent, rather than doing any parenting yourself. Because that would be selfish. Oh, and in your free time, you better be slinging soup down at the Union Mission, to atone for your profiteering.
Not that I give a metformin shit about what people think of my choices. On the contrary; I enjoy provoking the ire of those whose mouths are as tightly puckered as their assholes. I just don't enjoy having to be on the defensive, everywhere I go, every minute of the day. Ayun Halliday in her book The Big Rumpus describes a woman pushing a stroller and clad in a t-shirt that read, "Fuck All Y'all!" I need that shirt.
A stroller with a kid of my own in it wouldn't hurt either.
(And you know by now, don't you, that by "of my own" I mean "however that child comes to us." Yeah. You know.)