What's Your Function?

I'd like to be posting more, I really would. But I'm just so busy these days! Those inferior parenting practices won't judge themselves, you know. And if I get to working my way through this stack of Unacceptable Ways People Become Parents And/Or Give Birth, shucks, it'll be spring thaw before I write another post. On top of all that I must sit and enumerate all the different ways in which I am better than You. I'm a very busy woman.

Um.

You know I'm kidding, yes? And that when I talk about elimination communication I am not preaching the One True Gospel of Baby Excreta, and Damn All Ye Who Use the Cursed Pamper, Verily I Judge Thee?

Good.

So the first thing you should know is that I am a lazy, lazy woman. Lazy. Lay-Zee. One lazy-ass motherfucker. The bursts of frenzied pioneer-woman cleaning are little interglaciation periods in the greater scheme of Ass-Sitting and Waiting for the Mailman, Who Brings the Vermont Country Store Catalog, In Which Are Featured Many Fine Candies About Which I Fantasize for an Embarrasing Number of Minutes (Apiece). I would not do a thing, generally, if it required much hassle, and that includes showering for no good reason. (Interestingly, I find cloth diapers much easier to deal with than disposables -- partly because we use a service, though we're about halfway weaned off that. Mainly it's because I can't keep us in groceries; going out is a lot harder than doing an extra load of laundry here and there. Also I should note that we have never had a blowout in cloth, only disposables.)

When Sophia was brand-new, I noticed the following things: 1) she hated being wet, and would always cry; 2) the fussing actually began slightly before she wet her diaper; and 3) the pre-pee fussing would itself be preceded by certain behaviors: going on and off the nipple, grunting and squirming, that sort of thing. Of course poop always occurs with great fanfare, so those were impossible to miss. What that distills to is a set of pretty clear signals on her part: Dude, I am so going to pee.

I had read some about elimination communication (a clunker of a term, plus it sounds like it should be followed by "What's your function?" sung in chorus -- but it's better than "Trickle Treat," the loathesome earlier term you come across here and there. "Natural Infant Hygeine" is okay, but since EC is very much in the news right now I will stick to that) before Sophia was born, thought it sounded cool, but couldn't figure out how on earth it would work. Then the kid arrived, and it became obvious that she was pretty clear about what was going on in diaperland at all times. Since she seemed to hate the wet diaper with a loathing pure and true, I decided to give it a shot. I don't remember the first time it worked -- poop, probably, since you get more of a warning there -- but at this point it's been more than two weeks since I changed a poopy diaper. (She poops maybe three times a week, so the loads, they are rather impressive.) Pee we catch maybe two or three times a day, sometimes more, sometimes less; it depends on what we're doing.

Basically I don't stress about it.  Sophia wears diapers most of the time, except for airing-out sessions, and if she signals the need to go, I take off her diaper and hold her over the sink or a bowl (or, okay, sometimes an old yogurt container) and give our cue sound: the unimaginative "psssss", which I say every time she goes regardless of where. Either she pees or she doesn't. If she doesn't pee after a minute or so, or if she cries, we re-diaper and move on. No big deal. Sometimes I miss a cue; sometimes she doesn't signal clearly. Sometimes I cue her to go in her diaper, if we're out, and then change her right away.

For us it isn't about going diaperless at four months; it's about keeping Sophia comfortable and happy, and about communicating. When she so clearly tells me what she needs, it would feel wrong not to listen.

Plus -- I have to say -- it's fun, to respond to each other's cues like this.

So, um, any questions?

Comments

[Marivic]

Do you do this throughout the night as well?

Does she respond equally well to both you and your husband?

What do you consider a good resource for information on this? (We consider you - thanks for sharing your experience with this!)

[Lilian]

This sounds awfully cool! I read some newstories (mostly the one from the Boston Globe, and another one I can't remember the source), but it's much more interesting to hear about it from you -- I'm glad it's working so well!!

[shannon]

Hmmm. I need to read more about this. My three weeker doesn't really tell me about poop. She poops all the time and doesn't really mind sitting in it, so I just change her every time I think about it (which is near constantly). Pee, I think she's more resistant to. I think the only time she cries to be changed is for a pee diaper, but I haven't noticed any preceding cues. I'll have to check that out. Interesting.

[laura]

This is like a whole new world to me. Clearly, I haven't been reading about E.C., but I had no idea a child could go diaperless at four months ... amazing!!

[Melissa]

I have to admit I snickered when I first heard about this, but it sounds intriguing the way you describe it. The problem with executing it in this house is that our baby doesn't care if she has a wet diaper. Or a poopy one. If we waited for a signal from her, we would be waiting forever. And in the beginning, we changed her diaper about every two hours and there was poop in it every single time. That's cool that it works for you guys though!

[Rachel]

Very interesting. I have never heard of EC (darn midwest backwaters!) We're currently struggling to potty train our 3.5 y.o. (she's ASD - it's a challenge,) but it's definitely an interesting concept to think about. Especially as baby #2 should be here in a bit over a month.

[Tine]

OK, now "Conjunction Junction" running thru my head over and over. Thanks a lot.

Seriously, though, thanks for the scoop on how you're doing EC. I've read plenty about it (long before the current media blitz) but couldn't figure out how to make it work as a WOHM with a prolific pooper. Now I see that it doesn't necessarily have to be an all-or-nothing endeavor. Maybe I'll give it a try with the new babe on the way.

[henry_mama]

"Also I should note that we have never had a blowout in cloth, only disposables."

No questions about EC, but just had to comment about the above quote -- TOTALLY! My son is 10 months old, and I swear to god he's never had ONE blow out. Not one.

Cloth. Love.

[Jo]

Maricar: we do it if everyone is awake enough. If she sleeps through (we put her in a FuzziBuns or Wonderoo at night), then so do we. If, as she normally does, she starts squirming and going "eh...eh...eh...", I'll give it a try.

Interestingly, the aforementioned behavior was what really made it click for me -- she was doing this squirmy thing at night, but didn't want to nurse, and wasn't wet -- I finally figured out she was holding her pee as long as possible. If I give her a chance to go, she'll usually fall deeply asleep right afterward.

Since I'm with her all day long, I do the majority of the potty-holding -- Sean tries, but I'm not sure they've hit the mark yet.

Resources: try diaperfreebaby.org

[Carrie Jo]

My older brother apparently hated feeling wet as a baby too and weened himself from diapers very shortly after he could walk. He'd take his own diapers off... I bet Sophia will be similar. ;oP I also remember my grandma telling me about a "hippy girl" she once knew who potty trained her baby by letting it run around the yard without diapers on. lol. At least my grandma was saying it in a positive tone. :o)

[shibug]

Wow, I'm totally fascinated now. I've never heard of this before. The more I read on the website, the more it makes perfect sense.

I'm wondering how well it would work for a mom who has to return to work after maternity leave? It seems like it would be impossible to find a caregiver to continue with it.

[Melissa]

I'm so glad you talked about this again! I thought my laziness would be the kicker but to hear it from you, it doesn't sound so intimidating. It reminds me of how people told me breastfeeding would be so time-consuming and well, it is for a bit, but then you get the hang of it.

On another note, I blogged about this after I read it here: I totally thought my LLL-leader mother in law would love this. But noooooooo. Go figure.

[Kelly]

The little I read about it just before Lila was born didn't make any sense, but the way you describe it, I'm wishing I'd read this then! So interesting.

[Amy]

My grandmother swears that my mother was out of diapers by six months. My mom never believed her until she read the NYT article about EC and said that is exactly what my grandmother described. Funny how everything old is new agian.

I would definitely be interested in it more if I wasn't planning on using daycare from a pretty early age. Sounds a lot more plesant than changing diapers all day though.

[Mandalei]

This is very interesting, thanks for blogging about it.

Since I teach 5th graders, I also admit I have picked up some 5h grade humor, and just imagine, some day in the distant future, a South Park episode or something simila where all teh kids make full use of Cartman's EC training.

I confess, it makes me giggle, but will be trying this when I have kids. The EC duing infancy, that is. If we can train cats to use the toilet, we can do anything.

[Summer]

I thank you for the following line: "For us it isn't about going diaperless at four months; it's about keeping Sophia comfortable and happy". It's been hard for me to remember that EC isn't a competitive sport, as I am, by nature, a competitive woman with ZERO aptitude for sport and thus a burning desire to compete and win at all sorts of bizarre self-created events. I'd read the glowing testimonials about diaperfree six month olds and babies whose first steps were towards the toilet, and feel like a failure because my EC'd son hadn't "graduated" at 9 months, or 12, or 24. It was also difficult to make people understand WHY we were pottying our tiny son, if it wasn't for the payoff of a child fully potty-trained at an impressively young age. It was also very difficult, I found, to make clear that the potty thing was really not that much work. (Same with cloth diapers.) Because I'm lazy, too, very lazy, and I quickly figured out that it was a lot less work to keep a potty next to the changing table than to have to wipe pee off the walls several times a day.

I'd totally EC another baby, should I have the chance. EC is the new punk rock.

[Katy]

When my colleague told me that her mother used to hold her over the sink at 3 months and go SSSSSSSSSS and she'd pee I thought said colleague was a complete fucking idiot. Whoops! Sounds really interesting but I've got one of those babies who doesnt give damn whether she's wet or not.

[beth]

I'd read about EC when I was pregnant with Anika, and thought that it was worth a try. Didn't really work out because it seemed like she only peed while she was nursing and she only pooped while she was asleep. She also absolutely HATED having a naked butt. She'd scream from the time I took off one diaper until I had the next one pinned in place. I kept looking for the cues from her, but I didn't really catch on. By the time I was catching her cues, I was already back at work, and taking her with me. I didn't feel right about holding my naked baby over the sink in the communal break room. We'll give it a try with Baby #2 (due in 3 weeks) and see what happens. Although I've heard that with a boy you need a face mask and vinyl apron.

[Molly]

That is the most sane description of EC I have ever read! I don't remember my kids ever letting on that they were about to pee, but then I wasn't looking for it. Yay, you! Yay, Sophia!

[Alexa]

I had never, never heard of this, but now I am very intrigued. The laziness factor makes it appealing, I confess. Of course it is not yet applicable, for me, but perhaps I will try it when we have kids...

[DoctorMama]

No questions! I like the post, though. I admit I've giggled about EC, but mostly because of the seriousness with which some folks go about it. And the name -- I think you've put your finger on what it was reminding me of, too. Why not just "using the potty"? Or "taking off the diaper"? Someone out there seems to want parents to fight with each other, and to do that well you need to have Official Names. (But Trickle Treat? Seriously?)

[HollyRhea]

I wish I had read about EC while Helena was freshly new. She was big on signalling. Of course, I didn't think to use those cues at the time. Now she's nearing the end of a window of learning, so we've missed a big boat. I'm sure a smaller boat will come along, and I'll probably extend that metaphor till you have no clue what I'm talking about anymore. It doesn't matter a lot anyway. My husband stays home with her during the day, and I know he doesn't have the interest/stamina to do the EC thing. Maybe next baby.

[tessence]

It just blows my mind that these tiny babies know when they're going to go, or have gone, even. Did I somehow train my daughter to ignore these feelings by not doing EC? Because at 18 months, if I ask her, "Did you poopoo?" she always says yeah, just because she likes answering yeah to things. And most of the time, she didn't poopoo.

[R.J. Anderson]

I think EC is totally cool, in theory, only (like others here have said), if my seven-week-old son gives any cues when he's going to pee, I've never figured out what they are. He cries sometimes before peeing, but I am one of these weird (defective?) mothers who can't tell the "I'm tired" cry from the "I'm hungry" cry or the "I'm going to pee" cry, or any one of the other cries I'm supposed to be able to tell apart. (And that's really pathetic in a way, because this is my third baby, I breastfeed exclusively, and I'm at home with my kids all the time.)

I think it's awesome that you've figured out what makes Sophia tick, though, and if I ever get my act together where baby Paul's toilet cues are concerned, I will definitely give it a try. So far, though, the only time I've heard a readily distinguishable pee-grunt is when his diaper is already off for a poop change and he's about to go all vesuvian bladder on me. In which case part of me wants to slap a fresh diaper on to prevent him doing the Baby Fountain routine, but part of me is perversely curious about where the golden arc is going to end up this time -- in the first week, for instance, he managed to pee in his own eye.

Aren't babies fun?

[Aitch]

Now, I am just gonna say without making judgement that obviously this works for you and that's good. That being said, I personally think it's crazy-talk. Absurd, ridiculous and soooooo not for me.

And obviously EC doesn't play into a 2-parent working household. And obviously I am a bit jealous that I can't stay at home to see if I could try EC, so basically that's why I think you're talking crazy.