No Offense

If you have read thisahere blog for more than a week, you may have noticed that Being Offended is, for me, more than a hobby. It's like a poorly paid part-time job, unless you consider excess adrenaline and flying spittle a form of payment. (I understand that some of you do. Depending on the context.)  Vaguely sexist comment? Omission of same-sex partners from pregnancy book? I am all over that shit.  Left your white ballcap on inside a fancy restaurant?* I can recite Judith Martin, chapter and verse.

But I don't, of course, as that would be rude.

That said, I have lately been mulling over the lot of things that -- shock! horror! -- do not offend me in the least. To wit:

• Being told that I'm white and therefore will probably never "get" certain things. (Tip to fellow white folks: arguing this point usually proves it handily.)
• The body odor of a clean person. (It's summertime! In Philly!)
• Kindly intended, gently phrased comments on my parenting from friends
• Other families at the park having different park rules (shoes on, shoes off, don't swing on your stomach, etc.)
• Certain people's refusal to embrace Lost as not just a show, but a new way of life (Gretchen, I'm looking at you)
• People speaking other languages around me (some people get really het up about this. I don't get it.)
• Anything Joel McHale says

So what theoretically offensive things leave you grinning indifferently?

*A not uncommon faux pas in university towns.

Comments

[caro]

Well, swearing, of course.

And public diaper changing. Even in restaurants.

[Chelsea]

I'm not easily offended so there are a lot of things I could list. But one that seems to bug a lot of people is public breastfeeding. I am so the opposite of offended by it that I've been known to tell a nursing mom "way to go!" right there, which sometimes freaks her out.

If Lost became a way of life for everyone, the world would be a better place!

[Menita]

Have I told you lately that I love you?

[Ewokmama]

I'm not offended by much (which is not to say that I don't get bothered...). I think the only things that are a real problem for me are: strangers making comments that assume they know something about who I am and how I live - that is, if they expect me to change what I'm doing; strangers or those who have been previously warned who make sexual advances toward me; the act of speaking louder and/or repeat something in order to get compliance or agreement.

[Jo]

Oh yeah, diaper changing! I forgot that one.

I am completely baffled by a negative reaction to public breastfeeding. I waited and waited for someone to say something to me as I nursed brazenly about town, so I could eviscerate them with MY WORDS, but it never happened. Sigh.

[Auburn]

People who live and work here (the US) without proper documentation. Hot topic in LA where I live. I just don't get the outrage.

But then again I am the child of illegal immigrants myself (European-gasp! white -gasp!) So I totally get a kick out of shocking people with that one when the just assume I am of the same mind as they are about it just cause I'm white.

also
-grammar mistakes and misspelled words. Couldn't possibly care less as long as you have made a reasonable effort to be coherent.
-Late or missing thank you notes. An in person, email or phone thanks is just fine with me. No formal note required!

[gretchenosis]

funny; my post was about something similar. i totally didn't steal the theme. but since i'm here, i'll tell you what didn't peeve me: a woman telling about her bloody nipples, and how I would MOST CERTAINLY have them too while breastfeeding.

something else that doesn't offend me: screaming children

[gretchenosis]

and:

Lost sucks.

[BrooklynGirl]

People have problems with stomach swinging? Really?

[Jo]

BrooklynGirl, I was just as shocked as you were. A kid maybe 6 was doing some stomach swinging, and his dad was all, "That's not safe! Do it the right way!"

I allowed Sophia to continue with her delinquent behavior.

[Missie]

As I've read your blog over the past few years, I've often thought "Wow, we have enough in common to be social, but enough differing views where we could have some really great conversations, and most likely without resorting to name-calling and bible-quoting, including the geeky science husbands. 'Tis a shame we don't live closer,". Your embrace of LOST has only confirmed this. There is no hope for your friend Gretchen. :) Check out my geeky science friend's cool LOST blog, http://mistakingcoincidence.blogspot.com/ If the link fails, it's called Mistaking Coincidence For Fate.
And public diaper changes totally don't phase me. Also, swearing and burping. Perhaps the swearing will bother me once my girls are older- but for now they sound so cute :)

[Poltzie]

I too am offended by many things. Lately it's that people continue to tell me that my 5 week old son's eye looks infected (he has a red birthmark on it), who points out the flaws on a baby??

[Ann]

You know, I'm very rarely offended by people calling me pet names - you know, "Sweetie", or "Hon", or any of those other things a waitress might call you. I don't even mind it when they don't know me one bit.

Another thing that doesn't offend me? When guys whistle at me in public. OK, this rarely happens, and maybe if it happened more I'd find it more annoying. But flirtatious banter? Occasional outright salacious comments? Just doesn't put my back up. I just rarely feel like there's any mean-spiritedness behind it (though if I did, I guess I'd be offended).

[Leaner]

Dick and Fart jokes. Can't help it, those are funny, and rude and soo funny.

Public breastfeeding GASP! The horror. Someone showing off a little bit of skin? GASP! I would never do that, with my 2 1/2 year old nursing child. (haha- there is a joke at my dd's Waldorf inspired school that one of the mom's may not know our names, but she could tell who is who by our breasts.)

Did I mention poop jokes? Or cursing? Totally don't bug me.

[ozma]

Pretty much everything on your list. It is strange. I have the same list.

Stranger parenting tips don't bother me either if they are from old ladies. I believe the elderly should be permitted to tell us what to do.

OK with body odor, people talking on cell phones, people talking loudly (not screaming), kids screaming, dogs barking. I think my general theory is: We share the world with other people. We must deal with that. It's not like these things never annoy me. It's just that I think I should tolerate them. The world is not a funeral home.

Also, smoking. Of course, that's my own tragic past making me yearn for the cancer stick. But I also miss the days when people took risks and drove themselves into an early grave.

I also don't care if people miss my birthday, don't send a thank you card.

I'm a teacher and don't care about grammatical mistakes.

Lateness. I approve of lateness if not overdone. Anything to make the world less corporate and uptight.

The one about the other languages? I don't think that even gets to count as a reasonable hate. Hello? Seriously. That's BS hate.

And yet, humanity generally annoys me. Or more accurately, freaks me out. I guess I just don't feel super entitled about this--entitled enough to expect them to change.

[Lilian]

Yeah, I've gotten dirty looks for speaking in a foreign language, but I guess I didn't really know that people were so easily and commonly offended by that. Well, in a subconscious level I guess I do/did know because I often speak to my sons in English in public, particularly to call them, like "Come, come baby."

That is SAD.

I'm not offended by much really. I loved some of the suggestions here, particularly the changing diaper part -- of course I won't be offended if I've been doing it for so many years.

I'm glad Auburn mentioned my friends the illegal immigrants. I feel sorry for them and I understand their plight, of course...

great post/topic!

[Slim]

I'm not offended by people who assume that I changed my last name when I got married. Actually, I get a little offended when people go into major apologies when they find out they used the wrong last name. What do they think I'm going to do to them if they don't repent sufficiently? Unleash some sort of rabid feminist ire on 'em?

[SarcastiCarrie]

I actually do get a little offended when people who are my family keep calling me Mrs. Blah, when I have been Carrie Sarcastic my entire life and I have been married for 7 years and never once in that time have I gone by Carrie Blah. You are my family. Could you please learn my name?

Public Breastfeeding - not offensive.
Public discussion about pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding - not offensive.
People who say that breastfeeding is "icky" or "gross" - a little offensive, but I assume they are just not in-the-know about how cool it is.

[Slim]

Carrie, yeah, but that's family. They should learn. People who met me and assumed wrong? I don't care.

And frankly, it tends to come up because they were teaching their children to call me Mrs. Spousename, and I am just glad that they are teaching their kids to call adults something other than unadorned first name, because I am a thousand years old and don't think that's appropriate.

[Katherine]

Hmmm, well - to comment on Slim's comment - I am not offended by kids calling me Ms. Katherine or even Katherine (although that does give me pause about the age of their folks - the young are not to be trusted) - although I am more often called JoJo's Mother.

I am not offended by cell phone conversations, changed diapers, breastfeeding or even childrearing/raising "tips".

I am not offended by my crazy SIL's desire to be called, intermittently - Mrs. Husband's last name and Ms. Last name she was born with.

However, heaven help the poor soul who corrects or goes so far as to chastise my supervised children! My child all alone with a fork in the outlet - by all means correct that. But, my child opening and closing a drawer in my plain sight - that's my call - how will she learn I have her best interests at heart and am just not arbitrarily stealing her fun if she doesn't gently smash a finger or two.

[Sherry]

Most people get all up in arms over not helping clean up after a playdate, but to me, it's no big. Also, any public diaper changing. It happens, y'all. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

[Mandy]

I'm not offended by my husband looking at or subscribing to a certain girlie magazine. I was, however, offended when my SIL told me that if HER husband was subscribing to said magazine, she would wonder what she was "doing wrong" (i.e., failing to perform her wifely duties?).

[Chickenpig]

I agree with all the things on your list. I would add, it doesn't bother me at all when women breast feed in public, even if they expose their whole boob...a kid's gotta eat when a kid's gotta eat. Actually, nudity of any kind doesn't bother me.

I have to confess, though, I have never watched Lost and don't care if I ever do. And who is Joel Mchale?

Talking on cell phones loudly in public, especially about things of a private nature, does bug me. Also, people who don't walk their dog on a leash and/or don't pick up it's poop.

[Ariella]

Things that bother me? Perpetual lateness. Commercials in which the mother is depicted as the primary caretaker of the children. Commercials in which men are depicted as bumbling fools who would probably die if they didn't have a woman around. Grammar and spelling mistakes. Waiting to hear back from a job interview.

[Another Mandy]

I am not offended in the least when people mistake my son for a girl (he's 3.5 and has longish hair--his choice). They inevitably fall all over themselves apologizing when they find out he's a boy. Actually, maybe I'm offended that they think being mistaken for a girl would be offensive. Hmmm...

I don't mind younger people calling me "ma'am" (I'm in the South).

My list is much like everyone else's, although grammar and spelling mistakes in printed materials bug the ever-loving shit out of me. I am testy that way.