Enter Round 47 of the Interminable Preschool Cold. There oughta be a law, I tells ya. I'm the last one to boohoo about life being fair and all that (because anyone who says differently is selling Mucinex), but it is NOT FAIR that one can have a cold immediately postpartum. Especially unfair that the baby can get super-snuffly too. (Although all is quiet in the Pack-n-Play right now after some serious bulb suctioning/breastmilk spraying-up-tiny-nostrils.) I'm considering going in to preschool with a germ-busting blowtorch, as per kashering*. So what if the chairs turn a fashionably dark espresso brown, and the plastic toys develop an inviting Dali-esque droop?
On the upside, a half-dose of Chlor-Trimeton and as many ibuprofen as one might eat Gummi Bears will do you right. And you can do that when you're not pregnant. As I am not. Huzzah!
Also on the upside: Daytime tv. Afternoons I can't do it, because I draw the line when Sophia's around; I have very clear memories of being exposed to Guiding Light and One Life to Live as an impressionable preschooler, and my mother had a lot of 'splaining to do about what the lady was doing trapped in that undersea cave with the man and the oxygen gauge on their scuba equipment dipping ever lower. To this day I have a horror of underwater caves. Anyhow.
Maury et al remain the same, but I have to say I am thrilled that Cheaters has been added to the lineup. Today I witnessed the following proclamation by a busted boyfriend (italics and bolding mine):
"She says she got an STD from me, but I know she didn't, 'cause I was using condoms. So, you know, if she got an STD? She gave it to herself."
The gold medal, sir, for missing the point entirely. He did offer that they might get married if she could just see past her issues and forgive him for his honest mistake (which was apparently walking dick-first into a crowd of pantsless adoring fans?), which, gals, I have heard before, and you do not want that prize. My advice would fall on deaf ears, I'm sure, as did the advice of the host; forget it, Jake. It's Cheaters.
*Don't you think Kasher Blowtorch would be a good name for a metal/klezmer fusion band?