Yeah, it's that time between Chrismukkah and New Year and everybody's carbed out and glutted on presents and tired and traveling. And I'm not at home and I can't remember my Facebook password but I don't want to bother resetting it, and hey, is this thing on? Is anyone reading this? Hellllleeeeeew!
In lieu of an actual post, I am going to commit an act of mild oversharing. I know, I know, this blog used to take place entirely below the waistband of my bagged-out rumpsprung underpants, and a careful perusal of my deliberately-difficult-to-peruse archives will reveal enough to allow you to recognize me from an abdominal ultrasound. Times have changed, and I've lost much of my anonymity, although I'm about 98% certain that my mom doesn't read my blog (given that she asked, last summer, if I was still writing that web log thing), but: here we go.
I have some celebrity crushes. Some...embarrassing celebrity crushes. And looking at them in toto makes me wonder if they aren't very revealing celebrity crushes, because -- well, you'll see.
1. Alan Rickman as Severus Snape. No, not regular old Alan Rickman. Alan Rickman in his everydays -- meh. Now, Alan Rickman in that whitish makeup and lank greasy black hair? Sweeping black robe? Nasty affect? Break me off a piece of that, is what I'm saying.
2. Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy. Yes, an obvious one, but what's important is that I only like him as Jack Donaghy.
3. Zachary Quinto as Spock. Once again, doughy makeup, weird black hair, flat affect.
What do all these have in common? For one, they're all characters, not real people (discussions of celebrity personae as "real" notwithstanding). Two, they're all assholes. Well, Spock isn't an asshole; he's just sort of...flat. They're a far cry from romantic leads or adorable bungling Brits or whatever it is we ladies are supposed to like. But underneath's...what? Emotion. Kindness. Something like that.
Feel free to psychoanalyze my predilection for pasty sociopaths with buried hearts-o'-gold. Explain to me why I find them so irresistibly hot. And join me in thanking Oz the Great and Terrible that I picked a real-life husband who is nothing like these characters, because can you imagine being married to Snape?
And most important, share your constellation of humiliating celebrity crushes.