Look, we all know astrology is utter bullshit, but let me direct your attention to the ridiculosity that is Mercury Retrograde. Allow me to reiterate: I don't believe in it ONE BIT and yet during that time every gas line in our house started to go ffffffffssssssss and the gas company had to come out FOUR TIMES and none of the checks we were waiting on showed up and everyone ignored my Craigslist postings and every email I sent ended up in somebody's junk folder and home repairs turned into multi-thousand-dollar extravaganzas that we just simply couldn't do...
...a switch flipped and finally the gas is back to where it should be and we've figured out an alternate (and much cheaper) plan to address the house issues and a month-old Craigslist posting turned up a buyer who didn't even bargain me down and a whole lot of checks arrived in the mail. And I managed to score a lot of thrift furniture that was priced way lower than it should have been even in a Salvation Army and got an armload of the oddly specific clothing I was looking for at Goodwill.
I'm just saying.
I saved up four months' worth of BlogHer ad revenues (in case you were wondering what that sidebar ad gets me, it is about $25 a month and less each time) and bought these. Partly because I know that someday I will be somebody's punk rock grandma on a Carnival cruise and I might as well start dressing the part, and partly because they'll go with everything -- you know, black and brown -- so I don't need another pair of shoes. Yes, that's right: I have exactly one other pair of closed-toe shoes that I can wear without significant foot pain (the foot that hasn't been operated on yet), and they are some old-school MBTs that Frankenstein's monster didn't want because they were too clunky.
So I'll wear leopard-print mary janes to any funerals, proms, or b'nai mitzvot that happen to come up in the next six months. It's still ninety-five goddamn degrees here though. For at least the next week. Which means you will continue to see me around town in a pathetic Target t-shirt and unflattering denim shorts. Enjoy that.
But there's something missing. Something...awesome. And I don't know what it is! Maybe i need to make a circle skirt out of clearance fabric, or henna my hair burgundy. I tried making very early Halloween decorations with Sophia, and now we have a spooky front window, but that didn't quite do it. It needs to cost $10 or less, whatever it is.
What should I do next? What do you do?