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March 24, 2012

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Aw, man, preach it, sister. My entire life is like that. The only things that've made it better are getting older and jumping off the proverbial cliff so often that it becomes my knee-jerk reaction to any challenge.

I am having a hard time with goals I might have aside from raising my kids.
I also do have a voice in my head that tells me I am a worthless idiot.
Trying to kick that freeloading, non-rent paying jerk out of my head.
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/04/the_abusive_boyfriend.html

I think you're funny and also awesome.

Chub rub and I are intimately acquainted, and since we've shared tips on this before, I wanted to share these with you:
https://m.jockey.com/jockey/product/detail.do?itemId=2109&categoryId=1794524&path=Home%7CWomen%27s%7CHosiery%7CSlips%7CSkimmies+SlipshortSkimmies%20Slipshort

They're not a natural fiber, but they feel amazing!! I bought some one day when my thighs were bleeding after my skin oozed through my thoughts, and now I can't get enough of them. I wear them under tights or all alone and they don't squeeze me anywhere (no pressure urticaria for my sensitive belly!) and I am totally on love!

My iPod changed tights to thoughts. Oops.

When you feel that way just say to yourself: but Melissa Schuppe can't even run a mile without stopping. Own it, girl.

"Have you gone through periods of intense internal reorganization" => Yes. Definitely. At this very moment. My entire life is up in the air. Maybe getting divorced. Currently living at my parents' house on an open-ended basis (thankfully they are not here--I am housesitting). I'm in my mid-thirties and find myself suddenly uprooted. The only dependable, familiar space I have left is what's inside my head, so I'm doing some spring cleaning in there.

"or just finally calling yourself on the carpet for all the stuff you always wanted to do?" => Yes to that one, too. Last year several of my friends had books come out and/or signed with agents. For me that meant I really had to stop dicking around: either get serious about writing, or let go of it. (I chose to get serious. We'll see what happens.) As for the rest of the other stuff I always wanted to do, I took a good, hard, unmerciful look at it and decided what to keep and what to scrap. There was a lot I scrapped. I realized there were some things I said I wanted, but I didn't really want them badly enough. They were just sucking up too much mental space/energy and getting in the way of the few things that really were important to me.

Calling yourself on the carpet is a shit-or-get-off-the-pot situation. But you don't have to shit all the time. Aim for healthy bowel movements... not gastroenteritis. I don't have the stomach to continue this metaphor, but you get the idea.

PS--Practical advice? Don't tackle it all at once. Pick a couple/few things to work on at a time. No more than three, though I'd say two is better. Once you feel solid in something (not perfect, just once it's firmly established as part of your routine or your self-conception) you can add in something else.

"You don't have to shit all the time!" I love it!

GOV, I still have that tube of chafe protector you gave me 3 years ago -- and still use it!

Funny, I picked out a run that was 6.0 miles today, but cut it short to 5 after listening to miles of my own inner critic. I've been missing my running partner the last two weeks; usually that talking to somebody other than myself cuts off the inner critic nicely for me.

Funny you should ask. Just right now immediately as we speak I am trying to do things that I have put off for, ahem, a decade. And after I did the scariest ones I completely FREAKED OUT and said terrible things about myself in a very crazy way out loud to my husband.

So are you saying its all part of the process???

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