Just thank you. All of you who commented (or emailed or got in touch with Sean or whatever) or even just thought nice thoughts in my direction.
I want you to know I read all of it. In fact I go back and read every day, every comment. Some days it gets in. Some days I feel guilty for having conned everyone into thinking I am a person worth saying nice things to BUT I promise I will tell the therapist about that tomorrow.
I'll spare you the write-up I plan to dump on the therapist and psychiatrist tomorrow. I suspect that the medication is helping with the agitated part of the mixed state -- I get breakthrough irritation, less as time goes on, but it's been almost a week since I smashed a hole in the floor. Being calm to the point of stuporous probably doesn't hurt, and I am realizing now how little and how poorly I'd been sleeping for a couple years.
But I don't think it's doing much for the real bummer part of the depression. Actually that isn't what I think; what I think is that I am finally clearheaded enough to observe how awful I really am, but SOME PEOPLE might say that was depression talking so EVEN THOUGH I DON'T AGREE I am willing to report it as a symptom.
But thank you. The best part of anything I ever did was you guys. You were what made it worth doing, what made it really happen. This is no different.