Oh man, I don't even know. I'm tired and I have a headache and really I think I'm okay. But it is exhausting, you know? Never to have a feeling that isn't suspect, somehow. Never to get to drop the filter of overthinking well am I happy because I'm switching hypomanic, am I irritable because the meds are wrong? Which one? Up or down? I'm a little bit bummed, is that a problem?
Never to see the edge of something without assuming the precipice beyond.
I am okay, yes. Really. I had my initial visit with a therapist today, who at least laughed at my jokes so that is promising, right? But just to start talking and realize how much longer I could keep talking was a little jarring. There is a lot to do.
I think I will focus on making art pieces, in the meantime, that are meant to be completed and then smashed up with a hammer or burned or something. And no one ever sees them. If that's the goal, it's no defeat when it happens, I am thinking.