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I admire your self-insight as you run down your list of options. Sounds like you have your head on straight and your heart in the right place. Remaining open and fluid is so important, not just on the path to parenthood, but in all endeavors.

My husband and I never permanently abandoned the idea of a bio-kid, but decided to adopt first and see what shook out later on the plumbing front. Like you, I would have loved an open triad, but for various reasons we ended up adopting from Vietnam. Arduous process, but a fantastic result.

Now we're pregnant, and I do have a new appreciation for how precious an experience it is. I have no regrets about adopting, of course. I'm so glad we did.

I guess I'll just say it's all good. And it's all challenging. You are so right. There is no "right way to go." It's all about what works best for you, in the present moment. Sounds like you've got a great handle on that.


Egad, woman, you are smart. Maybe I'm just hopped up on Follistim, but your words about IVF made me a little bit teary — your determination not to think of your body as an enemy is something I could certainly stand to adopt. Thanks for the inspiration.

And congratulations on your resolution to join Team Underemployed! We are a happy band, we sluggards.


It's a gritty sorority, those of us are here now or who have been there. It's that gift no one ever wants -- that of hard-won strength -- but I'm grateful to feel a part of everything with all y'all. You know, as opposed to believing that I am the only woman who has ever gone through any of this, and sucking it up when a visibly pregnant woman tells me that maybe I just prayed wrong and that's why I miscarried.

Mollie, is there somewhere I can read more of your story? There are many days when we lean toward that plan of action (adopt first, plumbing indeterminate), and I would love to know more.

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