Old Blood and Guts Jo, They Called Her

Today at work I managed to break a glass dish and slice a finger open but good. It required a dose of silver nitrate, which felt like a thousand bees stinging down to the bone, and then some glue and steri-strips. I was actually disappointed it didn't require sutures. I would have liked to stitch that cut myself. Like my girl Jilbur, who accompanied me to Occupational Health, my immediate reaction to a gory injury is, "Oh cool! Lemme see!" Around us, people were swooning and turning a lovely Silver Sage. I have to tell you, folks, that only heightens the thrill.

Which is why I'm perversely excited about the grueling IVF needle regimen. Maybe my brain will be afloat in a sea of the urine of postmenopausal women, but it doesn't matter, because look at all these cool bruises! I will be all about the crop top and low-riding short shorts, and plan to take every opportunity to stretch just enough to display those glorious badges of honor. If it turns out I don't bruise much, I have some leftover Halloween face paint with which to produce a convincing fake.

I promise to post pictures, either way.

So as of today, according to the recorded message beamed to me by my RE's office, our appointment is still on. May it be an uneventful Monday for Valley Ob-Gyn. May our baby be on the way to us, through whatever means necessary, and may it be a human baby, and not one made out of dogs, because we already have one of those.

Comments

[Julie]

Ohmigod, Jo, you might be like me!

Wait, stop rushing off to the nearest bridge. You have so much to live for.

I find IVF to be kind of this amazing science experiment starring, well, me. Stick needle here, observe reaction there, confirm theory, hmmmmmm. Interesting.

I cannot wait to read your lab report. Best of luck on Monday!

[Christina]

Maybe that's what I've been doing wrong--praying for a baby and not specifying species. "Okay, God, I get the joke. Yes, I asked for a baby and You sent me a kitten, very funny. Oh, and the dog was a nice touch, too. This time can we get a HUMAN INFANT and not one of those sissy babies You call husbands, either; I have one of those as well."

I'm so sorry you cut your hand and none of us were there to see it. You absolutely must post pictures of the wound at it's goriest. Please do heal well though--none of those nasty infections that cause would cause your typing to grind to a painful halt. None of that, please.

[getupgrrl]

Heal good, sister, and report back quickly. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your Monday, and its hard to type like this.

[Carrie]

Oh man, gotta hurt!! As for the IVF needles, I'll be anxiously waiting, reliving each of those shots with you with an 'ouch' and an 'ugh'!

[Julie]

Even as we speak, Jo's high-fiving her RE — but not, one hopes, with a cockslap.