Got a Minute?

« Chapter 17, In Which I Behave With Great Dignity in the Face of Adversity | Main | "Yes, Teanna Puppy, Speaking!" »



mmmmm...clove cigarettes.


oh crap, I feel responsible for the failed cookies, after our little chat about brownies and my disastrous suggestion that maybe they would taste fine with buckwheat. What was I thinking? Well, it's about time you baked for the pigdog, come to think of it.

let's just throw dharma right out the window and admit that those What to expect bee-atches are pure whitehot evil. Not confused, not suffering, just steaming piles of evil. It totally cheeses me that they continue to get money from those stinkin', stinkin' books.


Eh, you know, I just got all itchy to have brownies, and this was the closest approximation I could come up with, without making a run to the store.

And yes, they are EE-vil.


Once again, I've peed my pants reading your site. "Eating for Two: You and Your RE". Classic!

Perhaps I could help you with the chapter on "Cheese, Glorious Cheese!" and "Carbohydrates: So Many Forms, So Little Time".


How about "Brownies and Liquor: Together Again" for a chapter for the sequel? I'll bet they'd be great dunked in Mocha Caramel Cream Liqueur or the Chocolate Hazelnut. I think the distributors must be evil. Last year they had $7.50 rebates for bottles that were a little over $8. Cheap, rich, sweet liquor.


I hated that book. When it became clear pregnancy was not in my future, we tried to sell it to a used book store AND THEY WOULDN'T TAKE IT.

Julia S

I hate hate hate that book. Alternately alarmist and blindly smug... grrrrrrr.

Now YOUR book I have taken quite a shine to... lemme know if you want some of these miscarriage recipes. I've got a filebox full, mostly grape-based but also some grain. I wonder how buckwheat would distill?


I too hate all the "expecting" books. The two points that drove me the most insane were A) their "reassuring" explanation that most second-trimester miscarriages are the mother's fault, and B) their suggestion that a pregnant woman could have a weekly "treat" of a bagel or a whole-wheat pancake. Fuck that! A "treat" is a cereal bowl brimming over with Edy's Grand (full-fat, full-sugar) ice cream in the Girl Scout cookie-inspired flavor of your choice, eaten in bed, every night of the week. It's an important souce of calcium! I tell Dorian that he's so sweet because I made him out of ice cream, which is literally true.

I'll also admit to making buckwheat cookies. I had this paranoia that Dorian would develop food allergies, so I didn't let him have wheat until he was nearly a year old. I developed my own recipe for biscotti made entirely of buckwheat flour, which looked like dog biscuits and had a distinctively earthy, slightly fetid taste. As an added bonus, they disolved into brown ooze upon contact with baby saliva, which is very attractive on yellow sweaters and car seat straps. Dorian loved them. I'm afraid I may have ruined his taste for real cookies forever by introducing the concept of "cookie" to him with those things. Just the other day he rejected a vanilla Oreo, throwing it to the ground. Imagine! He'd probably like your cookies.




I'm anxious to read Chapter Nine, since I lived, ate, and breathed Toni Weschler for the first few blissful months were were trying to conceive, before I knew that my husband was a little lazy in the sperm making department.

I'd also like to suggest Chapter Ten: Conquering Infertility by Roasting Alice Domar and Serving Her With a Nice Rice Pilaf.


Chapter 9 is my favorite. And my contribution to Julia's Cheese chapter: Take one package Philly Cream Cheese. With spoon, insert large chunks of cream cheese directly into mouth. Experience enhanced by standing at open fridge door.

When my sister was pregnant her control freak husband tried to convince her she should only have protein shakes, not ice cream, because HE read that freaking book.


I think that volume should be retitled:

"What to Burn When You're Expecting."

This book.

I bought it and read most of it before my miscarriage. What. A. Fucking. Waste. Of. Time.


I desire to be a case study for chapter 3.


I actually tried to follow that book for a short time the first time I was pregnant. I quit when I read about refusing the brownie at Grandma's house because "I have to think about the baby,now Grandma." "And we all know your brownies are fatal."


HA! Please add "molten chocolate cake from Chili's." I could write a whole book on that stuff. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. I have it every time an injectable cycle pisses me off, which is sometimes weekly.


Update on the cookies: An evening in a tupperware tub seems to have mellowed the earthy, fetid (thanks, Summer!) taste somewhat, and guests and husband devoured them last night. Go figure.

Maybe the book should have a special chapter devoted to chain restaurants, which have the following notable features:

-Many alcoholic beverages, served in fishbowls, redolent of the tropics;
-A wide variety of similarly fishbowled desserts;
-Often, combinations thereof involving the word "Mudslide" and a brownie the size of a sofa cushion;
-High enough noise level that any weeping or vulgar outbursts pass unnoticed;
-Lax dress codes, permissive of sweat suits NOT made of velour.

I knew they had to be good for something.


I'm still cleaning up where i snorted diet pepsi reading your chapter titles. RE has Wife AND me on low-sugar diet and we've been jonesing for chocoanything for weeks.

The comments to this entry are closed.