The Fear

We are perhaps a week away from the next injectables/IUI cycle (number 2, but who's counting?). I called the doctor's office to check on ordering the next round of ovary plutonium, had my final beer, packed away the stash. Stopped in to CVS for a magazine, and found this.

No, no, not the thing about the periodic table. The one to the right. This one.

Yeah. So I flipped through and discerned the following scientific revelation: since it takes upwards of three months for an egg to fully develop, well, you'd better go back in time and un-expose yourself to any toxins or abnormal hormonal environments.

Oh. Well, good then. Thank you, Discover! Because a freakout about something I have zero control over is exactly what I need right now. You know, you're really starting to stress me out.

I, as you may have guessed, have issues with toxins. We don't have unnecessary vinyl in the house. Our bed is made of natural latex; our futon is sustainable cotton. Most of our food is organic, and our main cleaning products are vinegar, baking soda, and Bon Ami. We don't buy stuff with phthalates, don't microwave plastic, don't drink unfiltered water. (I know that we're still being exposed to plenty of nasty shit, though. The lake that is a quarter-mile from our apartment has astonishingly high levels of mercury.)

None of that matters, because I feel like I'm making a coat out of puppies whenever I have a cup of coffee. What a callous bitch, to completely disregard the health of the embryo she may or may not create. The ice cream I had earlier tasted ever so slightly like not getting pregnant because of the abnormal hormonal environment I created by eating sugar. The occasional toke (never during a cycle)? May as well have some crank with that. How does anyone get pregnant?

And yet: people do. All the time. People who use regular makeup and have vinyl shower curtains and Tilex, who eat farmed salmon and non-organic cheese. Hell, people who take lots and lots of hard drugs get pregnant. Not that this in any way lessens the toxicity and environmental inexcusability of the poisons, no. But in light of that, I can't believe that the (watery) beer I had tonight will make or break this next cycle, or that my practice of drowning my cycle-cancellation sorrows in a Jacuzzi-size vat of Kozy Shack rice pudding has irreparably damaged every last egg. Right?

Right?

Comments

[alex]

Well you would think that avoiding all of these things would in fact help....in fact this is what my very first entry spoke.....avoid organic food as if it is the plague.....it seems as if everyone I know who drinks non organic milk, mcdonalds, and drinks frequently gets pregnant accidentally on birth controls when the rest of us with our tree hugging ways and chemical free zones (the best one can get) ends up taking forever to get pregnant........My advice (and I typically do not give advice on getting pregnant as I really hate this and against my better judgement) Go eat a bowl of ice cream, wash it down with a coke, avoid sex, smoke a cigarette despite the lack of the previous act, take a couple valium, and if you have time snort some cocaine (or any other hard drug) ....this is the pregnancy recipe. It will work. Enough sarcasm...I hear your frustration and I am feeling it.....

[Adina]

If the rice pudding is dooming you - then the ding-dongs I just ate have spelled disaster for me!

Take it all with a grain of salt. Just because someone figure it out - doesn't mean it is actually news. {{hugs}}

[Karen]

I don't think I believe that any of us have all that much control over our eggs. My theory (and since I'm pretty much a Dr, like you, Jo, it's a valid one, harumph) is that if you have bad-ish eggs, then no amount of lovin the organic lifestyle is going to get you good-ish eggs, unless you are the author of Inconceivable, the woman that got pregnant with an FSH of 40 after downing quarts of wheatgrass juice a day. My doctoresque opinion is that your eggs will be okay, watery beer or not. I'm really pulling for your next cycle, that you produce just the perfect amount of eggs, and that they are all of stellar quality.

[Kristine]

I'm with you...I'm just not buying that these things are happening to us because of something we ate...well, possibly my incessant flatulance is related to something I ate, but not the miscarriages.
Your vinyl-free life makes me feel guilty.
But what doesn't?

[F]

Crack ho's get pregnant at the drop of the hat. I hope the good doctor included that population in his egg bullshit theory. (Oh, I forgot that he only does IVF embryo testing. However, he made it crystal clear, in the article you cited, that he is not an IVF physician. Yet, he is working for an RE who provides the bulk of his salary. He is phony ass mofo'.)

A professor at Colorado University isn't making big bucks. Moreover, his test group are women who pay over 10 grand to have a baby. It's highly unlikely that they are abusing their bodies.

Good luck sweetie and ignore the noise!

[Jo]

Eh, I said "unnecessary vinyl" for a reason -- we have vinyl flooring and vinyl blackout shades (that we can't replace), so we're just trying to make it come out even.

Thanks, all, for the reassurance -- I unabashedly had an iced mocha yesterday (horrors!) and breathed some good old U.S. Route 1 air, which is sort of like smoking a pack of Lucky Strikes.

Wait, Kristine, I thought my incessant flatulence was due to God not intending for me to be the kind of person who doesn't fart all the time. You mean it's a medical condition? Whoa, dude.

[Tertia]

I am doomed then! All that wine, woman and song.... (well ok, besides the woman). Nah, we have enough crap to worry about and as has been said, drug addict, smoking, brainless teenagers get pg all the time. (trying to convince myself as I have had wine and smokes this week and I am on stims!!!)