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Alana

well if you happen to make it to Vienna you can swing by my place. No, I'm serious. Only 2 1/2 hours from Budapest. You can use the guest room even.

Julie

Is there room in the mud there for an additional cranky pessimist?

Thinking of you, nice lady.

Julia

Move over bacon... I'll reserve a small section of that hole for myself, too.

This blows, Jo. I just want you to know that I know that this blows. A lot.

But then again, those are some fantastic benefits you mentioned...

Moxie

Jo, I'm so sorry.

At least you found out from the cheap tests instead of spending $15 per.

Andreah

I'm sorry too. You will be testing again in a few days though right? I mean what if you are a miraculous happy story?

wannabe

Oh, Jo, I'm so sorry. I know how bad that sucks, and I wish that I could do something for you.

Monica

Jo, I'm really sorry. I'll keep hoping beyond all hope that this is your time for a miracle.

mollie

Thinking of you, Jo. I haven't given up hope yet.

Lisa

I'm sorry Jo. Wallowing in the muck with you and dreaming of potent cigarettes.

gretchaninoff

jo, just stop testing yourself! why do this? wait a while. it's only day 11, for gawd's sake. the absence of symptoms means nothing, if only because you should, at least, be having pms symptoms, yes? and those are very much the same, yes? and if you WERE having symptoms of pregnancy or pms, you would convince yourself it was pms and not pregnancy. you're very cautious about having hope, but seem fast and loose with the lack of it. i know i can't say any of this, really, because i'm not going through it. i know all these other people have grounds for saying what they say, but as your seester, i reserve the right to smack you upside the head online style. with all the love,
g

Jo

Geeves, if you were anyone else I'd unleash the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you, but since it's *you* I have to admit you've got a point. Not about the it's-early-yet, because I am unwilling to concede that one, but about the hope.

See, though, the hope is what gets me in trouble. I was bopping along happily, shooting up and not thinking too much about the consequences, and then one day I thought, wow, I like the name Thruston Sextus. Hey, we could name our kid that! We could have a kid! A baby! A baby named Thruston Sextus Leery Polyp! I wanna have a baby! Gee, I hope we have a baby! Wow, maybe we'll have a baby! And so on.

That's how they get you.

When it comes to baby-related hopes, I haven't had a single one fulfilled. Not one. (I refuse to count "I hope I don't die" during the Ectopic Debacle of '02 as a baby-related hope.) Every hope I've ever had has been shredded like a confidential document.

But I've had a lot of experience with the lack of hope, and I've not been disappointed yet. (Ha.) Failure is the thing I can count on in this arena, the thing I can plan for. It never comes as a surprise, but it always comes as a shock.

I always get over it. I always brush myself off and hop right back into the stirrups, but in order to get up you have to fall down, and the sooner I get that over with, the sooner I can feel better again.

I think that's what my early testing obsession is about. The sooner I can crash, the sooner I can turn my energy to healing myself. Even now I'm feeling so much better than I was.

Or maybe it's just your charm and good cheer, Pretty Sister.

chris

I've gotten to the point where I can't even look at anyone else's pee sticks (or pictures, in this case) without wanting to look at it in different light, turn it upside down, tear it apart, etc., looking for the elusive pink line. I'm starting to lose it.

getupgrrl

Jo, I'm so sorry.

You know, I was feeling all somber, but then you said that line about "the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you," and I totlly lost it.

Anyway, you can have some of my cookies, if you want.

Karen

Crapassly crap craps. I am so sorry, Jo. I will, like Andreah, be hoping that the test was wrong. Perhaps we should make a hookah date?

gretchaninoff

okay, so you're right about the falling down and the getting up, and you do so impressively every time. but there's something i've seen that has improved greatly from the first time you experienced loss: eh, i'm just gonna send you an email now instead of having a conversation via comments. that, and i don't want to push anyone else's buttons since, no doubt, others are annoyed with my naive and oft retarded advice. check yer email, beeotch.

Julia S

Oh Jo, I am so sorry.

I hope you are mistaken in your symptoms.
I hope if you aren't mistaken in your symptoms you have a fabulous time being decadent in Europe.

Then I hope you get inducted into the Stonecutters Union. And we'll all have ribs.

Tertia

I hope you are wrong. This sucks. What does it take to get a positive around here???

Kendra

Okay, since I can't say it, living in fear of the dog/bee things as I do, at least listen to your sister.

(Also, I thought I had the only "seester" in the world -- good to know there's another one out there who, apparently, is just as awesome as mine).

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