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"And then I'll show him exactly what I can do with this cunt."

I think you definitely need to include this part in your letter, along with the fantasy.

I'd trade you dinner for comfort if I could. However, you're a great cook and all, but that's a long trip.


Come over to my house and cook for me, and I will stick anything you want into your snatch, baby. I've got a vac-u-vin that Nico likes to pretend is a submarine in the bathtub, but I bet I can get him to spare it if there's an edible meal in exchange.

Jo, Jo, Jo. This post is amazing. How about I insert some TLC and something probe-esque into your cooter and you insert some comic flair into my writing?

I love you so much.

P.S. I have now come to the conclusion that every male RE is attractive and charming, and had my RE been male, maybe I would have embraced ART, fantasies of exam-style sex, and a long trip down the road.


Listen, about the adoption thing - the hardest thing is going to be giving up the RE addiction. Really. I suggest that you wean slowly. You know, like, maybe have him check your thighs, then your knees, then your ankles, then your toes, over a period of months, until there's no reason to take your pants off anymore.

"No reason to take your pants off anymore."



Did you just use a "Ghostbusters" reference and an Almodovar reference in the same post?!! You're my hero.

Brooklyn Girl

Jo, how could anyone ever forget you? I mean really.


I agree with Grrl. And now I'm weeping.

I'm going to email you...


You use that choice line in your RE Love Letter. He may feign disinterest in the name of professionalism, but you bet your sweet ass that comment will haunt his dreams for a good long time!!


alright, i firmly believethat it is not possible for someone to totally separate themselves from the sexual aspect stuff. you know what i mean, though.... it just isn't possible that it never occured to him that you're fucking hot and he was looking at your chotchke all the time, and that he spent a lot of time with you while your pants were down. it just ain't possible, is all i'm sayin.

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