I Wanna Be Sedated

No, really. I do. I beg of you, knock me the fuck out.

The aftermath of Tuesday's wasp-themed adventure (in which I received multiple stings) included my being awakened in the middle of the night with a sore throat; on Wednesday it got worse, on Thursday I stayed home and felt crappy and virus-y all day, last night I awoke every thirty minutes because of the pain in my throat, and today I went to the doctor (no strep, at least) and worked some, mainly for entertainment value (hey, I like my job a lot). Of course the throat still hurt, but I was in decent enough spirits.

However.

In addition to this throat that is so sore it feels like I am swallowing a razor blade again and again, that is so swollen that my gag reflex is constantly going off like a hypersensitive car alarm, I believe I am getting

A URINARY TRACT INFECTION.

I am taking strange medicines, including Tessalon Perles, AZO Standard, six million capsules of dried cranberries, and some ibuprofen for good measure. Because of the swelling, each pill feels as large and difficult to swallow as a McDonald's cheeseburger, and each sip of seriously watered-down Gatorade represents at least two minutes of steeling myself followed by an equivalent amount of time grimacing and swearing.

I am a Labor Day Picnic to be around, let me tell you.

Comments

[Nat1026]

I have a stash of Darvocets I keep on hand for "emergencies", that I'd be more than glad to share. Or, would a horse tranquilizer be preferable? I have a nasty upper respiratory infection right now, so I can sympathize. Hope you get better soon!

[Karen]

Bet you're still sexy as hell.

[Mollie]

I find a croquet mallet works pretty well if you can't lay hands on the sedatives.

Sorry things are so crummy! Get better immediately or I'll have to find you and kick your ass.

[OliviaDrab]

Ummmm... *chicken bones, chicken bones* healthy Jo Leery Polyp throat and urethra...

[Anna H.]

After years and years of chronic UTIs and lots of anti-biotics, I finally found something that can catch them before they become full-blown infections -- Urva Ursi. You can get it as a tea, or even get pills from the health food store -- I found it when visiting my best friend in Australia where they have it as the main ingredient in "Ureze," which you can buy not only over the counter at a drug store, but in any grocery store -- it's as common as ibuprofen.

I swear, Uva Ursi pills are just about the best thing that ever happened to me! I just take a cuople when I feel oa UTI ocoming on and within a few hours I feel all better. God, I sound like an advertisement!

Anyway, hope you can catch it in time.

Oh, and one more thing: the pills are better than the tea. The tea tastes like old shoes...

xxoo

[Anne]

Oh god I feel for you. I woke up this morning with a suspicious little tingle down there and have been trying to decide if I want to stop at the campus health clinic to have it checked out. The trouble is I don’t really think I have a UTI and I don’t really want everyone to look at me as if I’m some freeken hypochondriac not to mention I’ve been drinking so much water today that by now me pee is nice a diluted. BUT I just know if I don’t go I’ll wake up later this weekend in pain trying to piss every 5 minutes and I’m the type who progresses on to kidney infections really fast. What to do what to do? And poor you not just a possible UTI but a sore throat as well? Now that really sucks. I wish I could send some of the leftover vicodin sitting in my medicine cabinet via the internet but if it makes you feel any better to know this I’m humming songs by the Ramones even as I type.

Hope you feel better soon and I really hope everything you’ve been doing to nip the UTI in the bud works.

And I’m so glad I read your blog today otherwise I wouldn’t have learned something new, thanks Anna for your tip – here’s to old shoes (gulp!)

[Tracy B.]

So I guess the pills mean no booze for the weekend? Because I was going to recommend a nice hot toddy. Take care of yourself!

[Danae]

Such a nice collection of meds -- Joey would be so proud. Wishing you well soon, my sweets.

[Sherry]

I agree with Karen...isn't better to look good than to feel good? And you look goooooooooooood!

Get better, hon. Soon!

[dish]

Sorry to hear that you're sportin' an infection at both ends. Crappy way to spend the holiday weekend. Hope that you find a good drug combo and rouse yourself back into health.

[Beth]

Have you had mono before? I got a UTI while I had mono, and my throat hurt much worse than it did when I had strep.

[Mamarama]

Hey, I don't know if I'm too late or not, but someone I know just told me the other day that alka seltzer, jus the plain kind, helps ease a UTI. She just used it for one, and said she felt better the same day. It's worth a shot. XOXO

[Kristine]

So...you don't like McDonald's cheeseburgers??

[Sarahsponda]

Jo,
I'm with Beth, get checked for Mono. I nearly died of both dehydration and malnutrition when I had mono because the lymph glands in my neck were so swollen it felt like I had a log that I had to get everything over.
Take care!