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Julia

I know it's impossible for you to be hopeful or optimistic right now - so I'll be doing it quietly from the sidelines on your behalf.

And I promise to NEVER say anything remotely close to... well, to the obnoxious statement you mentioned above.

Can I ask a question? Have you pondered continuing with the adoption even if this pregnancy should turn out successful? Twins, in a manner of speaking?

chris

I wish you could enjoy this. I know however, coming from the perspective of planning my D and Cs while I was still pregnant, how hard it is. I really hope this one works out for you. Your words have helped me a lot.

Take care.

Jess

Jo- The first time I was pg (also a crash and burn, as you so eloquently put it)I was sick as a dog from beta #1 on- It's really beyond description. This time (NBHHY, accept for that funny total placenta previa thing that I'm in denial about), I didn't get ill until 11 weeks- and it stuck around until 19 weeks. Even in the same person, the course of pregnancy can be completely different.

Kristine

Oh god- I so know what you mean about being more comfortable with the "plans for the future" being to have a D&C or not to have. I never did so well in the waiting phase, not when they crashed and burned and not when this one finally didn't. So I'm sorry I have no advice, but I will tell you from experience that worrying like hell can't change the outcome- I've got a ninth month belly to prove it. So what I'm saying is don't worry about the worrying. Yeah.

Sarah

Jo,
I'll stick with you, one day at a time.
Sarah

Moxie

Another data point: My nausea started at 5 weeks with my first pregnancy, but not until around 7 weeks with this one. Of course YMMV, but I'm just saying.

Too bad you can't go to a restaurant with your family. You could tell the waiter to keep bringing you tonic with lime, but say, "Here's your gin and tonic, ma'am." Fakes people out every time. Can you pretend to sip the wine but dump it out into a plant? Or tell everyone you have a raging UTI and can't drink?

tracy

If anyone asks about the drinking, tell them you're taking medication for a raging yeast infection, and go into great detail about the intensity and location of the itching, the appearance of any drainage, etc. They'll run and never look back.

Mollie

I freak with thee.

platypus

Hi, just delurking to say - take the drink, just don't drink it! Everyone notices whether or not you say yes to alcohol but after that no one notices if you actually drink it (or your husband) sips it or you swap when no one is looking. Well, that's what we did anyway.

Best wishes

platypus

Please amend above grammar so it makes sense! As you can tell I don't need my husband to drink my wine anymore - just edit my typing.

Lola

I wish this wasn't so freaking weird for you too, but of course I agree with everyone else that it's completely reasonable for you to feel that way. I still don't feel right yet about saying that I'm pregnant, mostly because it all just seems to good to be true (and because I'm convinced that doom is waiting around the corner to nab me when I least expect it.)

Anyway, it sounds like you've figured out how to deal with nosey people wondering why you're teetotaling. Good luck with this pregnancy, we'll all be quietly rooting for you.

Rachel

Coming from the "clueless outsider" point of view, the few cases I know of people who conceived after (or during) an adoption made "story status" because of the irony. I never had any thoughts of one kid being second to the other. I would have guessed that it's statistically unlikely, even though te "isn't it funny" stories are the ones we hear. (And really, who is going to sit down and say, "Oh the funniest thing just happened -- my friend is adopting a baby, and she's not pregnant!")

I guess I'm just trying to give you an extra sheild to use when someone inevitably brings it up with you. Maybe they're not mathematically challenged, and maybe they're not implying ugly stuff about the relative worthiness of babies. Maybe they're just laughing at your situation! (Ok, I could have said that better.)

Sigh. People are so unknowingly clueless. And by "people" I mean me. I've jammed my foot in it more than once. The one I torture myself about? I spent most of an evening teasing an acquaintence about how she indulged her 3-year-old, saying repeatedly that the best cure was a second child in the family. Little did I know she'd miscarried not two weeks previous.

On that happy topic, let me say that it makes perfect sense to me that you have thoughts/"plans" about miscarrying again, given that is what your experience has been in the past. I will hope on your behalf that things go well for you, your adoption, and your pregnancy.

For the big 'do tonight, how about cranberry juice in lieu of red wine?

Oh, one last thing. I hear you on the "progesterone makes me pass out" front. I had to take supplements with two pregnancies, and it sucks big giant rocks. Absolutely worth it in the end, of course, but the every time I got out one of those slick white suppositories, the feeling of misery and hatred was overwhelming.

Cathy

Can you buy non-alcoholic wine? It's generally pretty atrocious, but you could handle it for a night.

Like you, it would be shockingly obvious if I were not partaking in some fermented grape juice at a family event. When I was newly pg, we bought the non-alc wine and relabeled it -- no one was the wiser!

All the best to you.

Marla

Recently three or four people in the blog world got pregnant after announcing their adoption... now I see why people think A equals B. What they forget is that for 1 person who gets pregnant there are a thousand others that don't. When people now say that to me I tell them we don't want to get pregnant, why would we? They often look confused.

Anyways, I hope this goes well for you. I completely understand your anxiety, but I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you.

Tertia

Know what you mean about the MS, even tho I knew how crap it was, i wanted it as a sign that was still pg. although look at julie, she never had any, the cow.

its flipping hard tho, cos on the one hand you want to be cautious and protect yourself, and on the other hand you want to race ahead and maybe even have a smidgen of hope, a tiny little sliver.

pg is fucking scary

Karen

The whole thing with the now that you're adopting you'll get pregnant mentality is so annoying. Two people said it to me the other day. And I'm willing to bet everything that I own that I will not get pregnant, that I will be the one that proves that stupid effing myth wrong. And I'm really okay with that.

Thinking about you, my little luv bug.

Christine

At one point I called my doctor in a panic because I hadn't thrown up in two days. She completely misunderstood my concern. I wish much nausea on you, soon, for as long as you need it.

And I'm still telling people that it's early, so they shouldn't count on anything until arrival day. Or maybe a couple of years after that.

KellyH

Yeah, I totally did the pillow under the shirt thing. I even shoved wadded-up Barbie clothes under my Barbie dolls' clothing.

Still crossing my fingers for you!

Shelley

The peein' thing is a good sign....and the nausea will come soon enough. Or, as some of the other posters point out, maybe it won't, even though in a previous pg you were sick as a dog. It doesn't necessarily mean jack, though I certainly understand your wish for it. Hoping it shows up in full force tomorrow morning!

Have your hubby mix your own "drink." Coke and rum or bourbon is completely indistiguishable from Coke and nothing.

Shelley

The peein' thing is a good sign....and the nausea will come soon enough. Or, as some of the other posters point out, maybe it won't, even though in a previous pg you were sick as a dog. It doesn't necessarily mean jack, though I certainly understand your wish for it. Hoping it shows up in full force tomorrow morning!

Have your hubby mix your own "drink." Coke and rum or bourbon is completely indistiguishable from Coke and nothing.

usako (lurker!)

just so you can feel warm and fuzzy about it, just know that i am crapping my pants in hopes that all continues to go well for you. yes, i'm that thoughtful. =)

Tonya

Holy shit, you had me laughing with the pillow thing. I thought I was the only one.

Debbie

After three miscarriages, I've doubted my way through 17 weeks of pregnancy and will continue to do so. My husband and I told no one until 15 weeks and then only our parents and my sister. They were only mildly peeved to find out so late. Even then, we shut down any type of celebratory congratulations.

It has been so nice not to have to answer all the "how are you feeling?" type questions when I don't yet accept that my pregnancy will eventually result in a live birth. My husband and I just keep saying it ain't over 'til the fat baby screams. I have totally kept my sanity up to this point as a result.

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