You've Been On This Shift Too Long

Freedom was buckling two crankypants kids into my dinged-up car and heading out Charlotte Pike on a hazy day, REM on as loud as the kids would allow. It was Driver 8 and drive-through fries, late-summer sweat, and being able to afford the stuff we wanted with the cash in my wallet. That was a good time, y'all. Even if Krystal is fucking nasty.

* * * *

Lessee, what else -- had a consult with the Mouf Surgeon today. If he's anywhere near as particular about the titanium screws in my face as he is about his haircut and office organization, I'm in good hands. He did inspire confidence, and promised me the spring break of my life, involving liquid Lortab and facial swelling. You know, just like 1997.

If you want to get technical, and I know you do, I'll be getting a LeFort I osteotomy, plus they're, um, going to spread my palate. So that would be this, except with a few fancy things on the inside too. Imagine that ridge down the middle of your palate is a fault line, and it gets kee-racked and stays that way until new bone fills in the gap.

Anyhoodle, it'll be a rollicking good time, I'm sure. I was able to impress Dr. Surgeon with my tales of YouTube videos (because, come on, half the people getting this surgery are like 17 and of COURSE it is going to be on YouTube) of before, during, and after surgery. Kids today.

Of course there are also hundreds of blogs about it. Hm.

So that's about it, except that I keep writing the date as "2008" and then not being entirely sure that it's wrong, and also I realized that Rosh Hashanah is THIS WEEK. And Daphne is eight months old tomorrow.

Also: would you guys want to see pictures of the inside of my face? Because I would do that. For you. But only if you reeeeally wanted it.

Comments

[Olivia]

Oh my gah, that looks scary. And Frankenstein-ish. I hope you have plenty of friends to help during your recovery.

[lisak]

Yes, pictures please. Sounds interesting, and painful! But the results always look beautiful!

[Meira]

Yeah, I totally want to see pictures of the inside of your face. Also, I would appreciate youtube links.

[Susie]

this is so interesting! i want pictures and more information. i suppose i could head to youtube, but this is somehow more interesting.

i had liquid lortab for two weeks after my tonsillectomy a couple years ago. they gave me two liters. LITERS. it was insane. i remember very little from that period, including the pain, so i guess it worked.

[Special K]

I am wincing at the very idea, yikes. I had some interesting orthodontic issues, but none requiring surgery thankfully. Although I often look at my face in profile and wish that I'd been offered it...

[Summer]

Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I don't want to see the inside of your face. I'm rather squeamish, you see -- I don't even like flipping past the Discovery Health channel for fear of accidentally viewing a moment of someone's surgery.

I do, however, quite enjoy seeing pictures of the outside of your face. You're cute.

[gretchenosis]

i totally want to see. and i totally want to come help out. when is this happening?

[mg]

I vote yes for seeing.

Just FYI: The nerves in the mouth can regenerate/heal if they are damaged, as they typically are in jaw surgery (I speak from experience). You will probably experience your share of numb spots in your mouth after the surgery, but they will all go away eventually. I promise.

[Kristin]

Also FYI: B complex can help with any nerve damage issues. Or at least, it can't hurt. I had nerve damage after a tough wisdom tooth extraction. The loss of sensation actually "hurt," in a strange way, but it's much improved now, after coming back gradually over some months. (It's two years post surgery now.) Most days, I'm unaware of anything different; some days, it tingles a little.

Also? If I may suggest...start any pain meds you're prescribed promptly, even if you don't feel you need them yet. Stay ahead of it, and then taper back as appropriate for you. The reverse -- catching up to the pain -- is really, really hard (she says, from experience, and coming from a family with a hardy pain tolerance).

Best of luck with procedure and recovery!

[Ariella]

Sorry to disagree with MG, but my husband had the same surgery you're having and he does have permanent numbness along the bottom left side of his lip/chin area. It's not terrible, but he had the surgery at 17 and is now 30. It's not coming back.

Are they going to have to wire your jaw shut? They wired his shut for six weeks and he said it was hellish.

[Jo]

Geeves, it's gonna be Vandy's spring break, so second week of march. Might be good for you to come out the next week, when Sean has to go back to work...

Thanks for the drug/vitamin tips! To protect Summer's delicate sensibilities, I will discreetly tuck away any gory pictures so you have to click on them. I'll ask them to take some pictures during surgery, if they can.

[Lorrie]

Dad had his lower jaw surgically broken when he was 48, a piece removed, and his teeth wired together for 6 weeks.

During that time he rediscovered teh joys of beer (to maintain his skeletal figure, no, no kidding, man had awesome skinny genes)--Mom made him quit drinking when they got married (no, he wasn't an alcoholic, just enjoyed a few social swigs) discovered TV for the first time and fell in love with Dallas and subsequently watched hours every day of his life (after forbidding it while we were growing up except for 1 hour a day) and generally emerged a different, happier person who could chew a corncob with aplomb while he sucked down a Bud and watched JR get shot.

I hope you find your joys too after this or-DEAL (as my mom would have phrased it)

Best wishes, srsly.

And welcome to the South from me in South Carolina.