...when you combine residual encephalopathy with lots and lots of pain meds, shake them up, and pour them into a man whose favorite story involves a mysterious personage known only as "The Mad Crapper" who once terrorized the dorm bathroom at Tulane with a turd the size and shape of a stevedore's forearm, laid across a public sink?
You get a man who calls you up at nine in the ay-em to request that you email three separate televangelists that you have never even HEARD of in order to gain their opinions on this book.
One doesn't necessarily follow the other, unless you happen to have met my dad. At any rate it makes the question of what he'll be like once he's all the way out of the woods a far more intriguing one.
Did I tell you they fixed his massive hernia, the other thing he was waiting to have surgery on? As of now he's had all the big surgeries he needs. Now he just has to, you know, regain the ability to walk.
Then what? Probably some sort of facility, I hope around here. (Thanks, Melissa, for passing along your recs!) When? Dunno.
Life. Somebody oughta sell tickets. Hell, I'd buy one.
My father is also fascinated by the Urantia Book. I have to admit that I am shocked to see it mentioned here; I thought that was my dad's personal weirdness.
When I was younger, my dad gave me his (very old) copy and told me to read it when I was ready to know "the truth." I did read it as a teen, and I am sure I did not understand even a fraction of it.
Posted by: Ariella | June 28, 2010 at 10:17 PM
Wow... well, good to know he's on his way to "normal" although it's hard to predict what that's gonna be. I do hope he makes a full recovery and gets to live close by.
Posted by: Lilian | June 29, 2010 at 12:02 AM
So did you email the televangelists?
Posted by: Melissa | June 29, 2010 at 08:30 AM
My Dad wrote me from the state hospital (new way of saying maximum security nuthouse) and described in great deal 1) a cure for AIDS, 2) how to alloy gold from common metal. Both involve the use of dial soap and one of them involves putting it on your asshole. Nice, right? Gotta love The Crazy.
Posted by: Micaela | June 29, 2010 at 08:40 AM
AHAHAHA Micaela!
Melissa, I did not; I suggested he discuss it with the pastor at his "church home." What a poor sport, huh?
Lilian and Ariella...yeah. Normal. The Urantia Book, from what I can discern, is like Dianetics run through a Book of Mormon filter and injected with a lot of early 20th century eugenics. Thankfully my dad seems to be on the "it's bunk" side, but...why exactly are we contacting televangelists about this?
Posted by: Jo | June 29, 2010 at 09:42 AM
A stevedore's forearm?! Holy (ahem) crap!
Posted by: PiquantMolly | June 29, 2010 at 11:01 AM
Hey Jo, did you see that article in the NYT last week about elderly people going a little insane in the hospital? 20/20 hindsight, that was exactly why my dad kept muttering about "matter-shifting machines" and deciding I was "one of them", etc, etc. Might not be relevant to your dad, but just wanted to throw it out there in case it was helpful . . .
Posted by: Meira | June 29, 2010 at 02:02 PM
As nurse I always like to see patients enjoying their pain meds. I work in pallative care and hear some very amusing and interesting theories on life and the universe. I take it as an indication that I have them nicely dosed up and feeling good.
Posted by: Claire | June 29, 2010 at 10:03 PM
I love your blog. Glad to hear your dad is over the surgery hump.
Posted by: Lesley | July 01, 2010 at 08:44 AM
Ah the mad crapper...I'm still convinced it was Dad himself. You should probably also email Jack Lalanne (sp?) regarding those books. And as far as buying a ticket, I'm pretty sure we have already front row seats and back stage passes.
Posted by: Weet | July 01, 2010 at 11:43 AM
Weet, why do you not have your own blog yet? You could call it WEETA AND THE BUTT.
I think about it, sometimes.
Posted by: Jo | July 01, 2010 at 10:25 PM