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October 12, 2010


Some day its probably going to occur to my 3 month old that most of her friends don't have so many gay friends within their intimate circle. My hope is that our friendships will be so normal to her that she's approaching her teens before it occurs to her. Better yet, I hope that enough kids are growing up this way that it won't ever seem significant to her.

Good timing for this post. I liked it.

Then shouldn't we stop using labels like "queer?" I know you mean it tongue and cheek here...

Kashrut law is so hypocritical; I've given up, except during Pesach.

Queer is perfectly acceptable to some people who self-identify that way.

Um, yeah, I was going to say what Brooke says. I wasn't using it tongue-in-cheek at all; it's the word for that.

I hope I can give my children that kind of normalcy. I think it's strange that I don't have any LGBTQ friends (that I know of).

It's my fervent hope that our kiddles will grow up with the same sense of "ordinary" that you have, Jo. It helps that we have three LGBT couples on our block alone, and that at least two of our son's fellow 2nd-graders have two moms each.

*This* -- as well as the racial/cultural diversity -- is part of why I'm so glad we live in a city. Hubs and I often dream of heading for the hills (which would be great for our family in different ways). But if we ever do so, the diversity piece will be sorely missed.

Oh God. My family is so backward and uptight and in general freaked out by homosexuality that it's just going to take them dying out for this new normal to appear. Seriously. I was painting my nieces toe nails when her little brother, about 4 years old sidled up and watched and then asked for some on his toe. I bent down to do it, and his Mom (my sister in law) came screeching across the yard flapping her arms telling him absolutely not and that boys don't wear nail polish, and perhaps the worst thing, that he, this little boy, already knew better. Oh.My.God.

Yes, Micaela, it's going to take some time in the family. My own father (almost 60 years old) gets his toe nails painted by my 9 and 15-year old sisters. Only his toes though. And not in the summer when they might be out and seen. But, progress and whatnot.

And Tine, you might be surprised by the suburbs (maybe not the hills). The suburbs can be quite integrated, diverse, and accepting. Not much to worry about your neighbor so long as they keep their SUV in the garage (not horror or horrors, parked on the street) and keep their grass cut.

Micaela- there was another mom waiting for her son during his art class while I waited for my daughter during her dance class last semester who I chatted with frequently. We seemed to be on the same page for a lot of things, until she whips out a story of how she forbid her son (3) from wearing high heels during dress up because "those are girls' shoes." I bet he isn't a doctor either, but I suspect the doctor coat was okay. I was kind of stunned into silence. Also kind of glad that I hadn't made an effort to mention my wife.

Brooke I can never think of anything logical or witty to come back with under those circumstances because I'm usually a combination of freaked out and sad. And angry. I need to get over that and use it as a teaching moment if it's possible. I should remain calm because their homophobia is so uncalm. For what it's worth, I think I blinked hard at her for about 20 minutes with a fake smile painted on my face as I finished up my niece's toes.

I wish it were ordinary too, for the day that the reaction to "soandso is GAY!" is, "So what?"

What about the media and people making announcements about their sexual orientation? On the one hand, I imagine it's helpful to others so that they don't feel as alone or different if they are in a gay-unfriendly family or area. But on the other hand, I cringe each time it is "news" -- shouldn't it just be no big deal?

I have lots of gay and lesbian friends and for us it is already normal. The day would be different if they are not around.

This is one thing I like about legalizing gay marriage in my state. It's SO easy to explain the normalcy of gay/lesbian relationships to kids.

You just say: 'Girls can marry girls, boys can marry boys.'

When you talk about marriage, you never assume the parties are opposite sexes.

Nuff said. Right from the start a little kid is like 'oh, OK, things go that way.' It seems totally normal to them. They don't know about sex at a very young age so what you are really normalizing is simply the fact that same sex people partner up.

Then, if you want to explain homophobia you say 'This freaks some people out. But that's silly!'

Also, you have to add: "But sometimes people love each other and don't get married and have kids and whatever."

All other oppressions and injustices are about 10,000 times harder to inoculate your kid from, at least in my experience. My kid would never even question the normalcy of gay relationships at this point.

My kid got a tour of some friends' house and was like 'oh, you sleep together' (two men). So I think she gets to see two (non-married guys) have a household and sleep together and such. She wasn't surprised. She just wanted to know how it works.

Somehow I knew as a kid, in spite of my upbringing that being gay or lesbian was totally OK and normal. It's sort of interesting--we had some discussion of it in my church youth group and I could not understand why it would be bad and I asked 'what exactly is wrong with it?' and no one could give me a good answer.

Then HAH! everyone at my church and school assumed I was gay. But that was really OK, if a bit shocking when I discovered the news.

Many people have calmed down so much about same-sex relationships. My parents don't even bat an eye when my brothers friends from childhood come out. I really have a lot of hope for the complete death of homophobia in most non-religious extremist parts of society.

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