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January 22, 2012

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Soooo, I see you were secretly transcribing events unfolding at my house today?

(YAY, return of The Modernity Ward!!!)

Honest to god, I asked my boys for a FEW minutes to just sit the other day. EXACTLY three minutes (and I mean 3, not 3 minutes and 1 second) later, the request for juice came at me. I guess they understand that "few" can mean 3.

ROFL you just wrote down what the little voice says in my brain ALL DAY. I have to laugh when I see the commercials about cortisol and belly fat that want to sell me a supplement and all I think is SEND ME A FUCKING BABYSITTER, MOTHERFUCKERS.

::ahem::

hahhaahahahhahahahaha! If mine could talk, this is what they would be inspiring!

Wait. The what? You're back!??!!

YOU HURT MY FEEEELINGS!!! :::throws self on floor:::

Oh my god, Slim, do I know you? I must have heard that thirty times today...

Argh. My life, my life!! How did you know??

I just laughed at this until no more sound would come out. Oh, sister, have I ever been there!

Soooooo... Typical dinner then? Certainly sounds like our average evening.

YOU. Are the world's BEST M*thrf*kng mothra EVAH.
Polish this day off with 'Go the Fck To Sleep' and love thyself.

Hey, what were you doing in my house last night????

Good to see you blogging again Jo.

correct! so happy you're back.

I know that the only young children who savour every bite and express appreciation for the food they are given are the ones who have truly suffered: the ones who have survived famine, the ones who have found themselves in the midst of harrowing deprivation. These children don't whine and complain, they eat it. They eat it and like it. They also have nightmares, and flinch a lot.

Nearly daily, I am finding myself fantasizing (vividly) about what sort of carefully arranged, legally permissible famine / harrowing deprivation experience I could create for my four young children

SO THEY WILL FUCKING EAT THE NUTRITIOUS, LOVINGLY PREPARED FOOD I SERVE THEM, AND SAY "THANK YOU" TO ME INSTEAD OF "I HATE THIS" ABOUT THE SAME FUCKING GODDAMNED THING THAT WAS THEIR "FAVOURITE" SIX DAYS AGO. WAIT. MAKE THAT SIXTEEN *HOURS* AGO. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

The other day, when my kids refused (outright, without tasting) the previously-deemed-acceptable homemade soup I served them for lunch, I came very, very close to yelling, "Feeding you kids sucks a dog's ball sac."

Hm, Jo, it would seem you touched a nerve.

The other day I put in earplugs because I could not take five more minutes of chatter from my child. My very recently speech delayed child that is finally caught up and now I just want FIVE MINUTES OF QUIET PLEASE.

Thanks for coming back. I've missed you.

You have a gift.

I am laughing out loud right now, but quietly crying inside :) I find it hard to believe that I will miss these years when they go to college, even though I'm sure they will. And if they sit like gentlemen at 21 years old without stabbing each other/themselves with dull IKEA forks while actually facing the table it will be a freakin' miracle!

Yes, ladies, you have me to thank for not dating complete, total, animals. And if they still act like they were raised by wolves IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!

ahhhhhhh. So happy you're back writing, saying what I think only in my head (minus some of the cursing, but all of the venom is there) and then I beat myself up for it because honestly I'm sure I must be the only mother in the world that is that uncaring. And then I read this and realize I'm not... at least for today.

Oh, thank you. This is just what I need to read the morning that Michael goes out of town. Consider loins girded for tonight's dinner.

I am dying with laughter. Thank you for this.

"You're ruining my LIFE!!" (hurls self to floor)

Oh my GOD how is it possible that these darlings we love so very, very much know how to bug the EVER-LOVING SHIT out of us??? It is funny but sometimes it also makes me want to cry. I guess that's parenthood.

I have discovered that the amount of time I need completely to myself, child-free, to be a normal human being and not an angry shrew is 6 hours per day. Luckily, that's the length of a school day! Hooray for institutional education.

GET. OUTTA. MAH. HOUSE! SRSLY.

You got me with "Do not touch me with your tiny greasy fingers or put them on my glasses or OH MY GOD YOU BENT MY GLASSES."

EEEEEYYYAAAHH it made my lower back curl.

So TRUE SO PAINFUL AND TRUE.

Welcome back, missed you!

YES. Just... yes.

I love you. I love your blog. I love you and your blog. I haven't blogged in months because I'm too busy having the exact interactions you catalog above. Almost word for word. The other day my 2yo said, "fuck fuck fuck fuck." He learned it from the best. This is just spot on.

So glad you're back.

Hmm, I attempted to vote for #20, but the Share link did not crinfom my vote, or take me to another page I did not see another option on which to click in order to submit my vote Perhaps I am doing something wrong? Great work Stacy <3 all of these images

To say they are beautiful cirldhen is not quite enough. To say Ms. K is a Diva is more like it! And Master C will break every heart within 100 miles! And they look just like Mommy and Daddy.

After posting my orgainil comment, I was taken to a page that had the VOTE button However, once again, upon clicking it just kept spinning, and never gave me any sort of confirmation Anyway, my vote is for #20

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